Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
I want to give five point. First, the topic is very interesting and allows me to sympathize. Also it shows very specific detail and so much research supports his topic. It is technically perfect. How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think he needs to improve conclusion part. It is too short rather than other parts.Thesis
What is the thesis?
the reason why baseball players undergo the sophomore slump is their mental instability.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes .
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
mental insrability is major cause of the sophomore slump of baseball players.
Any other thoughts?
This is interesting. This needs statistics of baseball players' performances and many researches will be needed.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
In his essay, confirmation and refutation are confusing.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
It is good..
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
yes. But there are too much abbreviation that readers cannot understand well.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes, there are many specific examples, and information.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
there is no accurate research that can support the reason. He also conceded that there is no proven statistics
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
good summary, also it was good to write solution that he thought.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
I think he need to find statisics or he should erase contents about 'it is not proved', it makes confuse
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agreed with the thesis
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
do not say you're research is not accurate and something is not proven.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, .
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Usually. baseball player's examples were good
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
he need crucial evidence that can support his argument
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
I want to give five point. First, the topic is very interesting and allows me to sympathize. Also it shows very specific detail and so much research supports his topic. It is technically perfect. How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
I think he needs to improve conclusion part. It is too short rather than other parts.Thesis
What is the thesis?
the reason why baseball players undergo the sophomore slump is their mental instability.
Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes .
If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
mental insrability is major cause of the sophomore slump of baseball players.
Any other thoughts?
This is interesting. This needs statistics of baseball players' performances and many researches will be needed.
Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
In his essay, confirmation and refutation are confusing.
Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
It is good..
Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
yes. But there are too much abbreviation that readers cannot understand well.
Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
Yes, there are many specific examples, and information.
Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
there is no accurate research that can support the reason. He also conceded that there is no proven statistics
Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
good summary, also it was good to write solution that he thought.
What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
I think he need to find statisics or he should erase contents about 'it is not proved', it makes confuse
Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I agreed with the thesis
When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
I still agree with the thesis.
If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
I did not change my mind.
How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
do not say you're research is not accurate and something is not proven.
Research
Is the author using research effectively?
Yes
Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes
Are the sources obvious?
Yes, .
Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
Usually. baseball player's examples were good
Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
he need crucial evidence that can support his argument
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